Whatever It Takes

Here's not what I want to say, but sort of what I want to hear. But I have already heard some of it being said to me. Does the rest of it follow up? Though it may not happen, I still love the song even when it kills my heart. It's by Lifehouse (Whatever It Takes)

A strangled smile fell from your face

It kills me that I hurt you this way

The worse part is that I didn't even know

Now there's a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay

*

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe me I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

*

She said "If we're gonna make this work

You gotta let me inside even though it hurts

Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"

She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be

You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

*

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

And give me a break

I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

*

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt

That I'd be lost without you and never find myself

Let's hold on to each other above everything else

Start over, Start over

*

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's a stake

I know that I've let you down

Now if you give me a chance

And believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

Yesterday is history

Whatever happened is gone. Many people come accross this I realized, we never know what's right in front of us until it's gone. By then it'll be too late and we may never get a chance to treasure what we love or do all the things we wanted to do. No matter how much you long to take it back or change what  you've done wrong, baby, it'll be too late. You end up living in regret. However, you can't blame anyone though.

Some people just can never tell the difference between right from wrong. Open your eyes, learn to appreciate what you have. Don't just ignore it and look for something you may think is better but in fact it isn't. If you have something special then take good care of it, don't just throw it to the corner of the room. If you don't think so or you are going to just play stupid as if you don't know anything, then I have one thing to say, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Clearly you've been brain washed or maybe your brain cells are dying. Either way, you're not making the right decision are you?

Why waste time trying to persuade some impossible being to snap out of it and wake up?Because I care. But if you don't, you will let no one but yourself down. Now you can live in both regret and disappointment, now isn't that fun? I've had it though, why bother saying words that you will never listen to. You've made the choice to be an idiot so i guess I'll just let you be, haven't I done enough? I think I have, too much in fact.

You are very self-centered I must say. Thinking only for yourself, have you once stop to think about anybody else's feelings? Or maybe how you have affected them. It's up to you if you choose to be ignorance and as blind as a bat.

We are all destined to meet certain people in our lives. Whatever we do will affect the people around us although we may just let life go by and not be aware of it. Life is very unique and you may never have the perfect way to define it

Could things get any worse?

One of those days when you feel like the bad things just keeps piling up. This is one of them. When you think that things can't possibly get any worse. you're wrong. Today was shyty. I can't say because the days is not even over yet. Who knows what might happen five minutes later.

The other day we were at the mall and my sis told me not to cross under a ladder as it will bring bad luck. I thought it was rubbish and purposely stood under it. No, I'm not being superstitious or anything, just saying. Anyway, everything just sux right now. hmph!

A dream

Had it all been a strange dream? If not a long long nightmare. All the blood and tears are finally gone? Is this really happening? Nothing but questions stuck in my head. Questions that no one knows the answers to. No one except maybe myself. I know what's the truth but it doesn't feel like it. Instead, it feels like a made up story, an imaginary tale never having it's chance to come true. It's not over yet so who knows where the happy ever after lies.

How I wish the nightmare never at all happened. To minus all the heartache and sufferings. The truth is, it's hard to go back to how things used to be.. I know things may never go back to that ever. But I'm willing to give it all I've got. Things may never be perfect but if you actually get around to think of it.. Imagine how boring a perfect life would be.

It really has been a horrible dream. I'm so so glad it has finally ended. Or has it really? Guess not. The day our troubles are over may be the day we no longer exist on earth. Bet no one gets any of this that I'm saying here. 

So yeah, I'm currently in class and I feel so sleepy! and a lil hungry too I add.. Haven't eaten since last night. That's just me, not anorexic or anything. Just really picky and don't really have a big appetite. So I get hungry at weird moments. Neway, bac to where I was. I'm bored.. lol. Explains why I bothered to post this. And that reminds me, I oughta update my playlist some time, a Mariah Carey song just started playing. lols!

Nothing Lasts Forever

Have been so stressed out lately. hah.. *laughs sarcastically* It's best to not start asking me why.

Goes to show nothing ever remains the way you want it to. If it does, well.. I guess you are lucky and you better treasure it. By putting so much effort and heart and soul into something that is not even worth it. What a waste of time right? That thing doesnt even appreciate whatever you have done then why are you still in denial? Why do you still hope for a brighter day? That's crap. You just end up getting hurt and very dissapointed. So why bother..

The reason why is you wouldn't know how or when you have fallen and sometimes you fall in too deep. That hurts even more in the end. Now you're alone and empty and haven't got a choice but to move on. As if the world fell apart even if it didn't. As if you've lost everything even if there are still some things left. Everything is gone and you are so used to have it around you. You want to let go but the memories and images haunt you

I Miss You

Dear you,

Yeah, the title kinda says it all doesn't it? I just out of no where started thinking of all the times we had together. I miss them so badly. I wonder if we'll have the chance to share such moments again in the near future. Yeah, that's right, those moments had passed. But no matter what, they will always be part of us as memories and I hope these memories don't just end there. They won't have to, it all depends on us.

What I'd do to see your smile and hear your laughter. There's nothing we can do but just hope for things to be better soon. It's been tough lately I think we both realized. We don't seem to be able to do the things we used to do, say the things we want to say or even be the way we are supposed to be. Having said that, it feels different between us now and how much I want it to remain the way it was but we can't help it, can we? The only thing we can do is to move on.

We've been through so much together. And we can make it through the rain. Everything happens for a reason, it just guides us to where we are now. I always believe that if things are meant to be, they will find it's way some how to where it truly belongs.

I'll make this short and quick because I'm positive you would understand what I'm feeling here and I think you do feel the same way too, being in the similar situation and all. Nothing in the entire world can take up the special place you have in my heart.  

Love always,

me :)

Wasted

Let's see.. Well.. What is there to say? I feel like I've been wasting my time all these years doing things that will never benefit myself. Totally wasted. It feels silly now and no, this is not out of regret or anything. I don't regret the decisions I've made and the things I've done. I guess I wasn't doing the right things or thinking for myself, that's all.

Now I'm basically trying to get out of this position I'm in and do something good for myself for once. Can't wait till I feel how I should by right be feeling, happy. I want to, but it's not easy with all kinda stuff going on which btw, I do not wanna talk about. 

I've heard that you don't have to put any effort at all in order to be happy, you just be. Maybe that is true some how. Just gotta loosen up and let go right? I wish it is that easy as well. Because if it is then all pain and suffering people feel would be gone. Oh, who am I kidding? That's almost impossible!

Sick and Tired

Would no one believe me? No, don't give me that sarcastic look. All I want is for people to trust what I say is the truth. Is that too much to ask? I'm sick and tired. I keep hoping for a better day. Just as I'm getting close to it, things pull me back. And now I'm just back to where I am before. There's nothing much left here.. is there?

Listen

I know you care bout me and all but u just had to yell at me huh. Is it so hard to sit down and actually 'talk' to me for once? you think by screaming at me it will make things any better? I've got news for ya. I hate it and i kno how much you hate it too on the inside. So why don't you do us both a favour and try to listen to me? Instead of you always judging me before i get to say anything.

I felt better after talking to daddy because he actually listens. He's calm when he does that. He doesn't scream at me. Right after that a few minutes has passed and you come and start scolding me without letting me tell you what's up. You do not know what is going on in my life. You do not know what is happening. You do not know what am I going through. Maybe you would be able to get an idea about it if you had stopped and listened.

I understand you have your own ways of how you deal with things. That's okay but please stop yelling at me for the wrong reasons or even for no reason at all. It drives me crazy, honestly. You should trust in me and what I say. Stop thinking of everything I say as a lie that I made up. Stop thinking that everyone is evil or something. Stop suspecting people to be up to something bad all the time. It would be so much easier if you just listen and trust me. Then maybe you won't be making me feel worse than I did before again and again.

Kittens

Here's the story, I was walking alone back home and just as i was about to reach my house, I saw these two cute little baby homeless kittens beside the road. People were passing by but they couldn't care less. I didn't have the heart to just leave them alone and walk away. I felt so bad.

Actually there was once, some time ago when i was with my bf and there were these two cats following us but we couldn't help so just went back home. As i got home, i felt so bad and i kept thinking of the cats. I kept wondering if they will be okay. I regreted leaving them behind. Thus, i went out looking for them. But unfortunately couldn't find them. But that's in the past.


Back to the present. So yeah, i saw the two kittens and went near them. They look scared and were meowing, i take that as a cry for help. And this time i'm not going to make the mistake i once did before. I wanted to help them. So the first thing i did was to call my sis Jo. I told her bout the kittens and she came running out. So then i went home and I told my mom about them. But of course she's not suggesting we keep them. Instead, i got something to ease their hunger.. that's the least i can do.

People may think why do you bother. This is how i feel, everyone has feelings and so does animals. They are not just useless creatures. They have lifes and deserves to be loved. I hope they will be okay :) I've uploaded some pics and short clips i took with my phone moments ago..

New love

Mommy and Daddy, I love you!! thank you very much. hehe.
I found a new love :) am so happy.. yay!! what brings this sudden joy and excitement to me you may ask.

You see, I have always been on the bad side of mobile phones. I'ts either i some how break them or they stop working. Don't know how they always end up busted. Maybe i dont really take good care of them. But hey, at least i try. Really, i do. So this entry is dedicated to all of my ex-cellphones. I'm sorry, i don't know what has gotten into all of you. I hate to do this but this is how things work. You stop cooperating with me and therefore, I can't use you anymore. Shall you all some how remain some where in my heart. May you all rest in peace *moment of silence* sobs

But hey look what just happened today. Was out for breakfast with parents and Jo(sis). As we were about to go home they went into a shop to get something.. And lookie lookie :) Aww.. *tears of joy* haha.. that's just exaturating. But yeah it made my day start of with a smile. Can't wait to test it out and see what this baby can do. Owh.. there she is right below. Aww.. isn't she a beauty?

So then I spent the day shopping and wee.. it's fun. My greatest hobby of all :) Nothing out of the odinary happened today. Or maybe i'm just too overjoyed to notice.

Here I Am

Ever felt like you are taking this one step ahead but it just seems so hard. You think u can look into everything you've already got and maybe get inpiration from there to move on. However, when you are looking behind you see something you never thought of seeing. And ouch, that leaves you being stuck in the middle. Unable to go backwards nor can you move forward. But yet you give it your best shot. Go you!

[Here I Am]

Here I am with you..
Watching the beautiful sunset
Way out in the horizon
Back where we first met
How long has it been when we came to learn
That things never go our way
Never for too long they stay
No doubt it had been fun
I guess now our time is done
......................................................................................
Here I am finding myself..
Again watching the beautiful sunset
The one we used to know
I lean back to the flow
There was something i always wanted to do
To reach out into the horizon and see
What it has to give, to me
Something I'm about to do
Although how, I have no clue
......................................................................................
Here I am alone..
I take a glimspe back
To all of the wonderful things we had
But when i turned around and see
You were no longer there with me
It hurts to walk this path now
I still walk on it no matter how
Because I know that there at the end
Are all the great things installed
Maybe the sun will rise
Instead of setting all the time

[By Stephie]

Panda

Today i had trouble trying to get up. Didn't even had the strength to text Sheng back immediately this morning. Am so tired.. don't know why. Probably lack of sleep and stuff like that. eeish.. but then i forced myself to get up and i saw a panda in the mirror. As usual. They can only become worse each time. How sad is that. So i was forcing myself to get on with it.

Was so sleepy.. i was closing my eyes almost the whole time in the car. The first thing i did when i arrived in class was to sleep!! haha.. but couldn't really.. just to lie down. Then i looked up and saw Scott and was puzzled. Then it took me a moment to realise we had to go for assembly. Was still damn tired.. and he was teasing me bout the dark circles round my eyes and talking bout kungfu panda.. lol!! yeah it's cute but hey you're evil.

Had been tired through out the entire day especially during physics. Wow.. was struggling not to fall asleep. Not because it's boring but i'm so tired!! So here i am now.. back at home. I'm going to sleep early tonight and nothing's going to stop me! haha.. so i tell myself the same thing every night and look what happens.

Confusing staircase

Today is like my third day of school. Still trying to get use to it. Hadn't been easy to be honest. So today we had formal assembly and that skipped the 1st period of add math. lol. Confirmed with Scott bout where the staircase is located, he was talking to me about it yesterday but i wasn't sure where it was. lol? Long story short, the staircase is now labelled as the 'confusing' one by us. Hey, it's not my fault! Every building looks the same to me. Probably one of these days i'm going to end up lost around here. haha

Nothing special happened until reccess. Manda came by with Victor for a visit and she returned my ipod and got us secret recipe cakes.. aww.. Was so glad to see her. Joshie and Alex was suppose to come along as well but couldn't make it. I miss everyone so much. She was like complaining bout the uniform and stuff like that and says that i belong to my previous school. haha.. i get it. I felt the pain as well when i saw her close to tears. Things just aren't the same anymore. Didn't get to spend much time with her because couldn't reach my mom to ask her to pick me up later. Oh well, hope you guys had fun.

Oh and what else? yeah.. I'm supposed to finish up my peka thingy for physics so Sheng had to pass it over to me. Chocolates!! :) lol and i think i have accounts test tomorrow. lol.. i don't study it back in my old school but it's sort of like compulsary here. I haven't even gotten any books for it! Don't know anything about it! And there's a test tomorrow? what??? haha,, what a joke. Totally going to fail it.. yay! awesome :(

Newbie

OMG! like it was my first day at the new school. So yeah.. was kinda nervous and scared. Mom and dad dropped me off on my 1st day and during the ride i was texting my bf, Sheng and bff, Jules as well. They were like giving me words of encouragement and stuff like that. I felt like a little kid starting her first day in preschool. When we finally arrived I was hesitating to get out of the car. I was delaying for time but i knew that i had to go one way or another. So i got myself together and went for it.

Wow.. let's just say.. it's soo different here! Well that is to be expected and yeah just hope that i can manage to adapt soon. Today was a blur.. Seriously. I know i'm usually a blur person anyway but this time i mean it. like i didn't really know what's going on and what's where or who's who. It was scary probably because i just got there and have been in the same school for lyk almost all my life.. about 10 years or so.. amazing isnt it.

It's so weird being known as the new girl. yeah.. totally akward and i felt like an outsider. I'm not complaining but i'm just so not used to it. Let's see.. there are some nice people around so i guess it's not too bad. But nothing can compare to my buddies. It's wouldn't be the same. I'll just hope for the best. More importantly, I'm starting to feel stress now because i'm way behind in studies during class for every single subject :( it's not my fault my previous school doesn't go as fast. It's like few chapters ahead here.

It hadn't been such a long day as i have expected it to be. Before i knew it, it was time to go home. Mom was picking me up. And once i saw her. I felt so emotional. Don't quite know where that came from though. When she asked how was everything i told her bout the positive part of things instead of being a 100% honest. Why? Simply because i didn't wanted to dissappoint her. My parents, well they have done so much for me and i feel like i can't tell them how i really feel because i would never want to make them sad. What I did was smile and kept quiet.

So yeah, I miss everyone soo much!! I couldn't stand it when i was on the phone with Sheng. I was actually close to tears when i heard his voice. It has only been a day but seems like forever.

Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is mystery,
Today is a gift, treasure it :)

A new chapter

So i guess i'll be leaving school.. and well.. everything's gonna be soo different. I hate having to leave my buddies behind and i felt so bad having to. But what i see is a different environment, a fresh start, a beginning that doesn't neccesarily means ending the past, it's a new chapter.. in life. My last day of school.. well.. it's something that i will remain in my heart as a memory.

Today started with me having to go over to my 'soon to be' school to get some stuff ready. I can't believe i'm starting on Monday! It's all happening too fast. And yeah i'm like totally freaked out by how things are going to turn out to be like. Yes, honestly i am kinda scared and nervous.. who wouldn't be. I mean transfering schools in the middle of the year.. It's going to be weird and akward. Wonder how am i going to make it through having a good night's sleep without thinking about how things are going to be.

I've skipped the exams today to go over to the new school. Parents wanted me to take the day off. But i promised my friends i would go. You know, last day and all. At least to say goodbye. It was sort of like a reunion for our 'gang' today. Josh came back for a visit from Aussie! haven't seen him in so long. We are all going our different ways and directions. It's sad to leave but sometimes thats just how things are supposed to be.



Went around saying goodbye to everyone while Joshie was dropping to say a hello. awww.. He got us each a present with out names engraved on it. I watched as he went digging into his bag and pulling out a stuffed koala or kangaroo for the teachers. haha.. santa claus :) Was very sweet of my class teacher to get me a cake as in for a fairwell. Unfortunately, she wasn't around so i had to thank her by leaving her a message.



We all took some pics and talked and hung out. But then it really hit me when i saw Jules and Manda getting all teary as i was about to go. Then at that moment i realised.. this is it.. here is where we part. I never got to understand how much we mean to each other, how we play a role in each other's life. I tried to smile and tell them everything's going to be just fine. But on the inside i was crying as well. I gave everyone goodbye hugs and just make myself move forward.. to leave.. because i knew it was time.



I don't expect things to be easy. I know it's going to be a tough new start. Things are definately going to be different, no doubt about that. But i'm glad to know that the people i love and care about are always here by my side all the time, through thick and thin. I'm not all that sure if i'm ready or not. I may not be prepared. But just got to get it over with or i'll be stuck in the middle. No one knows what the future holds. So i guess i'll have to wait and see to find out! And just hope for the best!!